I don’t understand fighting. I mean, I understand why people fight. I’m a liberal atheist feminist that openly hates capitalism. I’m also asexual, and I dream of a grand, sweeping romance with another woman. Fighting is something I do regularly in that regard. But I’m not talking about the fighting for your rights while a stranger screams at you kind of fighting. Those situations are easy for me at this point.
No, the fighting I don’t understand are the petty fights. The ‘can you do the dishes’ fights that turn into name calling and verbal gut punches. I don’t understand how they end up there, and I don’t understand how to get out of them.
I also don’t understand why it’s so common.
When you’re fighting for your beliefs, that’s one thing. I understand the desire to not be wrong — if your beliefs are wrong, your morals are wrong. If your morals are wrong, that means you’re the bad guy. No one wants to be the bad guy, and we will fight tooth and nail to be the good guys. Even many Nazis thought they were doing the right thing and actively taught the school children ‘hey, discrimination is grand.’ Even modern Nazis think they’re doing the right thing. They truly believe they are defending their lives. Note: They are not good people and their humanity does not excuse their behavior, but the point is that they don’t see themselves as villains. They want to be the heroes. So, while I may hate you and everything you stand for, I also know why you won’t back down. That’s why I typically try for a gentler approach, reaching out to the people that actually want to talk and blocking the vile scum. The vile scum being the ones that use ‘I just want a discussion why won’t you have a discussion with me’ as an excuse to harass and abuse others. I will never be too tired to fight for my beliefs.
So, I can recognize those behaviors very quickly. I see them every day. Yet, when they start to happen closer too me, when the people acting out those behaviors aren’t alt-right Twitter trolls but people that I see on a daily basis, and when it’s over dumb things like picking up the trash on the floor or doing dishes…that’s where I start falling apart.